Being more of a traditional homo myself, I tend to stay away from ESPN. All they show are different forms of…exercise. With rules and points and penalties and stuff. And lots of old white guys shaking their jowls at the cameras, shouting and growling and spitting about people I don’t know doing things I don’t understand. No. No. No. 2010 is gonna be the best. Year. EVAAAHHH.
Now for some clips of Sully doing his gliding thing in the river and saving all those people. The commentators tell us about his reasons for coming here: he wants to show that ordinary virtues can overcome challenges. Uh…cuz a less moral person flying that plane would have been like “fuck it. We’re going down. Let’s get wasted and not pray and just all die.” Congressman hair = no sexy shots.
Hannah Storm? LOL. Let me guess. You do weather. Nope! She’s a sports anchor! What a wasted name. Elliott is telling us how long the parade is and what streets it’s gonna turn on, and Hannah smiles like everything he’s saying is just hilarious. Or she’s laughing at his hair. I choose B, just cuz it’s more fun. Get your head out of your puppet’s butt. This is a family show.
The Rainbird Corporation won the beggest award three years in a row! They’re all about saving water. That reminds me. I left the sprinklers on. For a week. The float is called Mountain Majesty. It’s basically a giant watertank on wheels using fifteen hundred gallons of water to create waterfalls. Uh…I thought this was about conserving water! Hypocrites!! Maybe Al Gore will fly over in one of his jumbo jets to remind us to buy little plugin toy cars. Assholes.
I haven’t watched a parade in ages, and I guess that it always escaped me as a kid that the floats are all put together as rolling advertisements for businesses. Duh. Who else would have the money? I get it, but it would be cool if real people had floats. Like my neighbor. He could just ride around on his bike holding roses and asking people for weed. It wouldn’t be as garish, but realism goes a long way. God I hate that kid.
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